Memoir of a Woman Gone Mad!!

Dear Diary:

As I sit up late at night, asking God what in the world is going on with my life. Where did I go wrong? How did it end up like this?

You see, I always seem to have it together; always. When I do things, people make the assumption that I have it like that, but in all reality, I don’t. I don’t have fiddle squat. I have a beautiful heart, a very intellectual mind and a bad attitude. I like making the world see me as this superwoman, because that I feel I am. But the world doesn’t know that I cry every single night, because no one truly loves me, no one genuinely cares for me but my God and my daughter. My mother, sisters and brother, I know they love me too, and for the most part, my family; and Hell, sometimes I question their love for me too. LOL!! But I know, I serve a merciful God, he loves me in spite of me.

You see as I walk this new walk, I realize that my life is not going to be the same again. No more business as usual. I see things differently. I even want to act different. Sometimes when I even think of things that are not of God, I feel bad just for thinking it.  It seems crazy but there are so many things that I need to cleanse myself of, I know that it’s not an overnight purge, but it will definitely be a well needed colon cleanse. No, spiritual cleanse. Now it’s not just my body being transformed, but it’s my mind that is being transformed.

You see, I have recently decided to help young teen girls in my community by developing a teen empowerment program. Thanks to my very loving, caring, intellectual and might I add spoiled daughter, I have given up all my Saturdays to be with very rude, obnoxious but teen girls with plenty of potential. We talk, we laugh, we learn and we build healthy relationships. For some of these young ladies, this program would probably be the only positive thing they would encounter in their life, at the rate the society is going. But anyway, as I sit and think of all the positive elements of love and life, I can instill in my young ladies. I must remember that I too can use a dose of my own medicine.

How can I instill greatness into young teen girls and still have pity on myself? Nope, that is not an option. Who would have thought that as I try to better my young ladies, the therapy that was much-needed for me, is being performed too, who knew? I’ve come to the realization that this was God creative plan all along. He seems to always get his point across, by showing me my purpose through my daughter. LOL!! That seem to have been the only reason, I had to have her when I did. You see, I have lost quite a few children in my life and she was the only one that made it through. She walked into my life and gave my life a purpose, just as I was about to give up on life. Here she comes!! I tell you, my daughter is and will always be considered in my mind, my guardian angel.

You see, as long as I align my steps in my life according to my developing her into a virtuous woman, my life has a purpose. Just like the birth of SC Precious Jewels, the birth of SC Precious Jewels became the rebirth of me. That is my purpose, it will be my legacy.

But just like any great thing that has entered our realm of life; you have the naysayers, and the dream killers coming along to crush your dreams. I never really had a dream until now; I had little goals that I needed to accomplish in my life, but never really a dream. I work all day, just to survive but never dreamed. Like, I mentioned earlier, it goes back to people assuming that I have it together. That’s because I strive to accomplish my many little goals, but never once did I accomplish that big dream.

Since there is a first time for everything, I would like the world to sit back, relax and enjoy my journey to my greatest accomplishment in life, my dream. I would like to take you on the journey with me, the roller coaster ride, the emotions, determination and the will to survive and become something great because I feel that is my purpose in life.

My grandmother always used to tell me that I was a force to be reckoned with. I am supposed to be great, if I didn’t get my priorities in order, my daughter would leave me behind. This was her message to me, from the first day she laid eyes on my daughter, and so far all that she has said has come true. Even when I’m down, I hear her yelling at me, for this I’m grateful.

I’m grateful to have wonderful people in my life; and grateful for the people who are not so wonderful. I’ve noticed that they are my reminders, so I do need them.

You see, one thing that I always hear my Pastor preach, everything in our life is only for a season. Once that season changes, all those in it has to go too. I feel like my season is about to change.

Respectfully,

Memoirs of a Woman Gone Mad!!

 

 

 

My Love Prayer…

“Give all your worries to him, because he cares for you.”(1 peter 5:7)
” Though he may stumble, he may not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand”(psalm 37:24)

Thank you Lord for being concerned about everything that goes on in my life, Good, bad, pretty or ugly. Knowing that you are the living God, who can do all things; I need not to worry. You will lift me up if ever I fall. You will carry me if ever I can’t carry myself. So for this, I thank you. All the worries of the world, I leave it all to you. So you can continue to bring peace, love and joy to those whom I love the most (my precious family) and to those whom I don’t know at all. You are my guide; so my feet shall not slide.

I pray this prayer to you for me and my family. 2016 is the year of Love… In Jesus name I pray… AMEN

GLORY TO MY MOTHER

I don’t know about you, but I’m so grateful to have my mother. She is the rock that I have needed in my life. Besides my grandmothers, she is the only other element in my life, that hasn’t faulted or changed. There are so many people that I’ve crossed passed with in my life, who have lost their mothers and always pray to have them back so they can say I love you, just once more. So they can apologize for that last argument , where they held that grudge, one day too long.

If you can please, Love on the ones that are here. You never know when they might be an angel… Love you mommy, All day Every day.

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My Mother and I at my wedding , June 2015

Glory to my mother,

For being the solid rock that we have needed in our lives.

The virtuous woman of God,

Who prayed and declared her family would make it.

Glory to my mother!!

Glory to my mother,

For never giving up, but lifting us up.

The virtuous woman of God,

Who helped us when we couldn’t see our own way.

Raising us up how we should go

Even when she didn’t have it all herself.

Glory to my mother!!

Glory to my mother,

For loving us unconditionally…

The harsh reality is that we couldn’t be the men and women that we are today had it not been for you,

Without the love of you first,

You showed us the way, you loved us the way,

Pointed us the way to God, or heavenly father.

For this we say… Glory to Our Mother

A Virtuous Woman of God!!

WHO HAS THE VICTORY NOW?

“Repeat these words… I AM BLESSED… I’M MORE THAN A CONQUEROR… I’M ANOINTED… I’M EMPOWERED… I’M DELIVERED… I’M FREE… IF WE SPEAK AS IF WE HAVE WON THE BATTLE, THEN THE BATTLE HAS BEEN WON.”

Our Father, the Most High, has already crowned us victorious. Now let’s program our minds to think as such. If we speak as if we are undefeated, even if it may not seem like it; the realms of heaven will rejoice and align itself to win the battle. The devil CANNOT defeat MY GOD… NO OBSTACLE, NO TRIAL, NO ILLNESS, NO TRIBULATION is too hard for MY GOD… I CANNOT be defeated with GOD on my side fighting my battles. My declaration today is to program my mind to speak victory over my life always.

 

SOMEONE’S MIRACLE

Philippians 4:9 
“And do what you learned and received from me-what I told you and what you saw me do. And the God who gives peace will be with you.”

 

I can become someone’s miracle. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone just to be a blessing for another. In that very moment, As I was asked a question on maybe helping this lost spirit/this confused heart… I got nervous, I asked God “Am I ready? Am I ready to be a blessing to another?” Just as swiftly, He spoke “My Daughter, Watch and Learn.” At that very moment, I became a blessing to myself. Just as I began to let GOD speak to this young lady through me, my compassion became HIS, my mercy became HIS; and even though I never considered myself as a judgmental person because I remember all the wrongs I have done in my life, I looked at this young lady and saw no sinner. That’s how much compassion he gave me for a complete stranger, a lost spirit/confused heart… I’ve never worked with this woman until that day, but GOD drew her to me so I can be her miracle for that day. You never know when you will be called to duty to become someone’s miracle. I have always been considered a person you come to if you want the truth, but to speak life over someone’s life, to bless someone’s mind, body and soul was stepping out of my comfort zone but I trust what GOD was teaching me that day. I can be someone’s miracle. Continue to show GOD’s love and mercy each and every day of your life and watch GOD show up and show out… This is my declaration over my life today and everyday…

NO CONTROL…

“I’m not giving you the power anymore! Did you hear me? I shouted to the top of my lungs, laid out on my living room floor, panting for breath, tears burning and streaming down my face. I’m not giving you the power anymore! You can’t have my home! You can’t have my family! You can’t have my joy! You can’t have my peace! NO, NO, NO Devil; I won’t give it to you!!!” 

Sometimes we have the tendency to give people too much power over our lives. But I stand before you to say, NO MORE!! Some things I’ve learned are obstacles that come intended; JUST to steal our joy and peace. Knowing that GOD is love, joy and happiness. We can no longer allow others to upset us or take us out of our element with GOD because then they would have won. They would have gained control over you, which is all that is needed to deter you from GOD’s promises. 

For so many years, my joy and happiness was based on how others perceived me but I can’t do that anymore… LOL!! My self-worth is now dictated by GOD. Now, since no one can no longer steal my joy, there is no reason why I can’t stay calm and at peace from here on out.

WHAT DO I NEED TO BE WORRIED ABOUT?

GOD FIGHTS MY BATTLES FOR ME….